Sunday, April 1, 2012

Best Of The Guest Generals: Krusty the Clown

Many local TV personalities have played as Guest Generals over the years. But perhaps none have ever had quite as big of an investment in the role as when they traveled to Springfield in the great state of... well we all know where that is located don't we?

In the town of Springfield, perhaps no TV personality is more known to local children than Krusty the Clown. Born Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofski, Krusty dreamed of entertaining kids while cashing in on his fame and getting really, REALLY drunk. And so Herschel followed his dream of doing slapstick and carved his own path.

Adopting the name Krusty the Clown, he became loved by a generation of Children throughout Springfield. A generation who's childhood has lasted 23 years and counting. Don't ask me how that happened, something is in the water in that town.

His tenure has not been without controversy, as Krusty has been dealt his fare share of setbacks. They include gambling and alcohol addictions, mob ties, a contest scandal during the 1980 Olympics and often being less than kid friendly in his personal life.

One such instance was when he franchised his name, but lost the money he made betting on the Washington Generals in a game against the Globetrotters. Most would agree that wasn't the smartest move (He should have just bet fifty cents, the money he would win would have set him for life.) But it is nice to know someone believed in the Generals.

Krusty swore to one day undo that mistake. And when the Washington Generals came to Springfield, he had his chance.

But like his television career his tenure as a Guest General was not without controversy. Players reported a heated confrontation with Reggie Harrison, coach of the Generals, as Krusty was seen lecturing the Generals backstage.

Comments such as "How did you even get on a basketball team, you're so short?", "Don't spread your legs apart so far, they will bounce the ball under you!", "They wouldn't always pull your pants down if you wouldn't take so long to make a free throw shot, moron!", and "Who here needs a tutorial in the difference between a basketball and a beach ball full of helium? Lets take care of this right now!", were heard in the locker room.

The game was not without similar setbacks as Krusty was seen yelling repeatedly at the referees for their questionable calls. Although to be fair, isn't it about time someone in Green and Gold called them on their B.S.?

He also generated a lot of anger as he yelled at player Shawn Faust with directions, "He's spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it! Take the ball!"

Things got worse when it was finally Krusty's time to get on the court. Which happened early in the first quarter. It is unusual for a Guest General to be out so early, but speculation is Coach Harrison just wanted to get it over with in this case.

A small confrontation arose when Globetrotter showman Special K offered Krusty his free three point shot. Seems Krusty disagreed with Special K's assessment he was a nice guy. Although Krusty's hefting the ball 10 feet in the worlds biggest air ball probably didn't help make him look good either. Seems a lifetime of beer and cigarette's don't do much to help with athletic skills.

After offering Krusty a three point shot Krust was seen making a gesture not suitable for repeating in a family blog like this one, and trying to go for a layup instead. Which he missed.

The Globetrotters went into their usual routine of sitting down as Krusty continued to try for his shots. Hoever, as his attempts neared the five minute mark with no basket and the children's show host huffing and puffing, the crowd grew restless. Although the Trotters were said to appreciate the extra time for a nap, what with their schedule being so grueling.

Mercifully, Globetrotter "Scooter" finally took the ball from Krusty after an embarrassing tug of war for the ball. He then shot the ball himself, scoring for the Generals to mercifully end the routine, as he feared the residents of Springfield would eventually grow old waiting for Krusty to make the shot himself.

This didn't sit well with the Generals most temperamental player, as he argued and eventually challenged Scotter to a fight. While taunting, "what's wrong Globetrotter... need a ladder?"

Security finally came and dragged Krusty out kicking and screaming. He was last heard on the arena yelling, "You losers better pull it together! I got money on this game!" His incentive didn't help as the Generals lost once more that night.

The head of the local studio was seen by one witness with his face in his hands while muttering, "I should have gone with Brockman!"


And on another note for anyone who hasn't actually figured it out yet. Happy April Fools day!

And for those of you who thought this post was dumb... at least I didn't post "Washington Generals beat Globetrotters". How predictable and lame of an attempt at an April Fools joke would that have been?


Krusty the Clown on Wikipedia

Simpson Crazy - A Simspons Fan Site

Another Globetrotter Related April Fools Day Joke

1 comment:

  1. If I were able to I'd like this post so hard